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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I recently learned about hyperverbal autism.

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Everything suddenly made sense, like more sense than

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it had made before.

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And immediately after that, I realized there was

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a lot of neurodivergent grief.

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And so I wanted to talk to you

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about that on this week's Feather Mane Soul

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Wisdom Show and share about my neurodivergent grief

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circles.

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Join us.

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You're listening to Feather Mane Soul Wisdom, a

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podcast for those looking to rediscover their wild

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spirit in spite of life's challenges.

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If you're living with a chronic illness or

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neurodivergent or consider yourself disabled, and you're looking

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to connect with your own inner untamed essence,

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then this show is for you.

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Your host is Kit Kaelstow, wild spirit storyteller.

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Thanks for listening.

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And now onto the episode.

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Hello and welcome to this week's episode of

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the Feather Mane Soul Wisdom Show.

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I'm Kit Kaelstow, your host.

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Thanks so much for your patience.

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I had a bit of a break, worked

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out some technical issues that I was experiencing.

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My main file server went down, so I

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had to get everything back up and running,

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but we are back.

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And I wanted to talk to you today

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about hyperverbal autism and neurodivergent grief because I

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saw an explanation on social media.

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A therapist or clinician was explaining what hyperverbal

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autism is and why it's often the reason

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that people assigned female at birth were not

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diagnosed as autistic back in the 80s, 70s,

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90s, long, long time ago.

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So let me start by just giving a

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brief overview of what that is.

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Hyperverbalism is known as a communication processing style.

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It is so much more than just talking

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a lot.

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And I received a lot of feedback in

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elementary school and in middle school about, I

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talked a lot.

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I come from a family of storytellers.

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Now, I'm the only one that's a published

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author, although that was my mother's dream for

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a long time.

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But my mom, my grandpa, my dad, to

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some extent, if you get them talking about

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things that interest them, for example, my mother

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was a nurse.

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And so she would talk to her nurse

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friends about the cases, the patients, maybe, you

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know, findings that they had, what they're discovering,

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whether different employers were good or not.

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And once you got one of my relatives

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talking, you pretty much were guaranteed not to

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leave wherever you were for like an hour.

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And so hyperverbalism, I think, is something that

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I saw a lot in my family.

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And when I talk about neurodivergent grief, I'll

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get into that in a bit more.

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Some of the key characteristics are advanced language

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skills, speaking with big words, those $5 words,

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complex or very technical vocabulary, often from a

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young age, needing to verbalize thoughts out loud

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to process them.

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And so that's something I catch myself doing

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quite often throughout the day, to process like

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what I want to do next, I'll be

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like, okay, I need to do this and

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this and this.

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Or as I'm doing something, I will speak

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the steps to whatever that is out loud

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to kind of be able to internalize and

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process them.

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Monopolizing conversations.

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So this means talking at length about very

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specific interests, such as your special interests, without

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realizing that others have tuned out or want

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to add something to.

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The one that I really see myself in

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a lot is the lack of a filter.

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And this is a difficulty parsing or prioritizing

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or moderating your speech volume and speed.

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Quite often, I will discover I've been talking

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really, really loud when I did not mean

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to.

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And then finally, a key characteristic of this

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is using speech as a stem by finding

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a favorite word, phrase or talking in rhythmic

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patterns.

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And so an example of this is there

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was a commercial where the jingle was avocados

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from Mexico.

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And at the time, my spouse and I

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were taking turns traveling from where we live

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up into Iowa to see our family.

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And one of the towns we passed through

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is Mexico, Missouri.

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And so we'd always, you know, text each

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other landmarks.

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And so for probably about two years, when

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I reached Mexico, I would text my husband

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and say, avocados from Mexico, Missouri.

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And, you know, I thought that was funny

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as heck.

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He was just kind of like, whatever.

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But that's the sort of sensory seeking or

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soothing that you get from languages.

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And so hyperverbalism being so much more than

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just simply talking a lot brings with it

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some challenges.

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First of all, it can lead to social

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burnout, because people are going to perceive you

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as dominating the conversation, as being self-centered,

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as being arrogant or overbearing when you are

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speaking past expected social thresholds.

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And that's one of those non-spoken, non

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-delineated rules that neurotypicals have about how you're

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supposed to act when you're out in society

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that never gets communicated in a helpful way

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to neurodivergent people.

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It just gets used to basically tell us

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how we're different.

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It can mean that social cues are missed

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because of the way that you process language,

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the type of advanced language skills that may

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mask challenges in interpreting sarcasm or tone or

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even turn-taking.

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It also can be very exhausting because we're

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not just speaking in this manner.

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This is also how the internal monologue goes

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in your mind.

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And so that internal hyperverbal processing where your

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thought speed, your emotional volume, trying to figure

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out social cues can be extremely, extremely exhausting.

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And so I am not a therapist, and

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so I don't feel like I can, you

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know, speak too much on hyperverbal autism except

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as somebody who experiences this.

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But what it does do is it brings

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up the topic of neurodivergent grief.

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And neurodivergent grief is a topic that at

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least for me personally, I have been extremely

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interested in and exploring.

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In fact, I spearheaded the publishing of an

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anthology back in 2021 on neurodivergent grief because

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the topic interested me back then.

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Now that I have become a certified pet

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loss grief specialist and a certified grief coach,

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I really am seeing the intersections and the

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ways that grief really connect with a neurodivergent

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experience.

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And so neurodivergent grief shows up with the

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hyperverbal autism in many different ways.

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One of the first ways I've already touched

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upon, and that is if your natural way

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of speaking, if the way your brain processes

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words, if the words and vocabulary you like

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to use, and the way, you know, my

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spouse explained it was that he likes to

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use exact words.

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So if he has one of those five

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dollar words to borrow a phrase from publishing,

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if he has one of those big words

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that means something specific, he's going to use

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that rather than a less specific simpler word.

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I'm reminded a bit about my college experience

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and how, you know, the professors really looked

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for certain terms related to my discipline.

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And some of these terms I had not

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heard of because they did not come up

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like, and I'm not sure I'm going to

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pronounce it right, but heuristic or pedagogy.

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Words like that that seem to be very,

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very specific and very big can affect the

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verbal processing.

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And that so there's grief there because if

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the way that you are speaking is not

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accepted by the vast majority of people, and

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let's be honest, a lot of hyperverbal autistic

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people grew up and went through a large

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portion of their adult life not realizing they

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were autistic.

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And so they basically internalized the grief that

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the problem was them, that they are not

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right.

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We know that's not correct.

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And that's something that with wild spirit storytelling,

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I really am working to get to the

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heart of and help change the thought processes

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for people who have internalized those stories that

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don't belong to them.

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But there's grief there because for one, there's

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grief of not being accepted.

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There's grief of not being considered a part

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of a group or as an adult, never

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fitting into a workplace situation, never feeling, excuse

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me, never feeling as if you could fit

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in, or as if you're going to fit

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in.

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And that gets exhausting in and of itself

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when you have that experience over and over

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again.

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It also means that you're constantly misunderstood.

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And it means that you start to second

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guess the way you present yourself in the

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world.

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And that second guessing starts to lead to

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isolation.

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It starts to lead to burnout, depression, and

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it starts to lead to pulling back and

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not not participating in the things that bring

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you joy.

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And so there's grief over the lost joy.

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There's grief over the feeling like you're not

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able to be in the world as you

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are.

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And there's grief for the what ifs.

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There's grief for the what if I were

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different?

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What if, you know, my communication style were

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different?

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And you start to think about that and

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it can it can really bring up a

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lot and it can really be a lot.

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And so that's why I really think something

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that does not get talked about enough.

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It is that people need to talk about

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neurodivergent grief.

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And that is why if you go to

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feathermanesoul.com and click on events, you will

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notice that I am now running a monthly

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neurodivergent grief circle.

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What this circle is, we come together over

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Zoom.

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Cameras are totally optional.

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You don't even have to talk if you

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don't want to.

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We'll start, I'll give a little reading, a

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little talk, maybe podcast length about where I'm

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focusing right now or what's caught my attention

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in this space.

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And then we just open up the floor.

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And this is a time for you to

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bring what grief you're experiencing, bring what grief

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you're dealing with as related to your neurodivergent

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identity, and share it with the group.

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If you feel like you want to ask

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for advice, you certainly can.

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But the focus of this is not an

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advice circle.

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In fact, I would suggest and one of

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the rules is you don't give advice unless

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somebody asks for it.

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A lot of times people just want to

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be heard.

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They want to be witnessed.

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They want to have their experiences validated.

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And if somebody asks for assistance, you know,

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we'll talk that over.

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Otherwise, it's just a matter of sharing and

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perhaps sitting with or working through those emotions

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that come up in the moment.

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It's a very gentle place.

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Grief circles last anywhere from 60 to 90

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minutes, and they are free to attend.

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Although I would love a small donation.

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I've set a suggested amount of $5 to

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help offset my cost in running those.

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Again, it's feathermanesoul.com slash events.

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But beyond that, beyond attending a grief circle,

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how can you deal with the grief and

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the emotions around being a hyperverbal individual?

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And how can you handle that and make,

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you know, make that better, make the experience

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better for you?

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Well, first of all, it comes back to

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a core tenet of my work.

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And that is remembering that you're not broken.

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If anything, the system in which we live

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and the society and culture in which we

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live is broken.

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You're not broken.

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You're not wrong.

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However, your brain processes that, you know, information,

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however verbal or not verbal you are, however

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you feel like communicating in a given moment,

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is not wrong.

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It is not something that you should, you

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know, try to tuck away or hide from

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the world.

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Because your emotions are real and your emotions

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are valid.

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And you have something of value to contribute.

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Now this is usually about the time when

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people look at me and kind of go,

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yeah, right.

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I've heard this all before.

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However, it is important to remember that you

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do have something of value to contribute and

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that your contributions are welcome regardless of what

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people tell you or how those contributions are

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perceived.

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The way I look at it is this.

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We each have core values inside of us.

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You know, they might be things like be

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kind, be consistent, do what you say you're

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going to do when you say you're going

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to do it, be reliable, be creative, be

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curious.

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As long as you are acting within those

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values, and of course, you know, those values

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would not include like doing harm to other

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people or hurting other people.

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Those are not core values.

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But when you act within core values that

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are deep inside yourself, and that do not

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actually wish or create harm on another person,

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then you're doing the best you can with

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what you have.

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And the other person has to meet us

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halfway.

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At least.

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Communication is a two-way street.

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The very idea that neurotypical people expect neurodivergent

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people to completely ignore our own innate communication

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style, our own innate ways of processing things,

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in order to be easy and convenient for

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them is excuse my French bullshit.

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Communication is a two-way street.

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They need to meet us halfway at the

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very least.

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If we're doing the best we can, and

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they're not reaching out at all, then that

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is on them.

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If we're doing the best we can, and

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they're trying to understand, and we're trying to

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find some center mutual ground, that's great.

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But that should not mean suppressing or denying

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our own communication styles, the way our brains

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work, and how we process information.

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And that includes being hyperverbal.

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I feel pretty strongly about that, if you

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can't tell.

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And so I think for me, learning about

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hyperverbal autism, which was something that until I

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had seen this post, I did not know

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about, hadn't been brought to my attention.

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I honestly thought that the way I spoke,

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the way I thought, the way my speech

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patterns were, was actually part of my ADHD.

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I thought it was the impulse control, and

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that's how that works.

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So the fact that being hyperverbal can affect

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our speech patterns, and the way that we're

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understood, also can be masked by other conditions,

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or other ways that our neurodivergent brains work.

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All of that really kind of comes together

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to prove and to show that we each

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communicate in our own unique ways.

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And the most accessible communication is the communication

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that's easiest for us, and the communication that

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allows us to be as authentic and as

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comfortable in that communication setting as possible.

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So I just wanted to throw this out

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there, especially with an invite to the grief

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circles.

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I am really curious what you think about

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hyperverbal autism, or maybe some of the grief

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that's come up around your speech patterns, or

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the ways that you process information.

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If you're seeing this on a platform that

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allows comments, I would love to hear your

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comments below.

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If not, you can go to feathermanesoul.com,

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click on blog, and you'll see this post,

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and drop me a comment on the blog

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post.

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I really hope you can make the grief

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circle.

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Thank you so much for listening, and please

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00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:42,890
don't forget to like and subscribe wherever you're

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00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:43,850
hearing my voice.

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00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,510
You've been listening to the Feathermane Soul Wisdom

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00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:48,750
Podcast, hosted by Kit Kaelstow.

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00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:52,870
Learn more about Feathermane Soul at feathermanesoul.com.

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00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:55,990
As a wild spirit storyteller, Kit is passionate

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00:19:55,990 --> 00:20:00,190
about helping those who are neurodivergent, disabled, or

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00:20:00,190 --> 00:20:03,130
living with chronic illness rediscover their own inner

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00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:03,910
wild spirit.

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00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:08,430
Visit feathermanesoul.com to receive free gifts, or

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00:20:08,430 --> 00:20:10,270
book a free call with Kit to discuss

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00:20:10,270 --> 00:20:12,610
how wild spirit storytelling can help you.

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00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:15,390
Music is Running with the Horses by Purple

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00:20:15,390 --> 00:20:16,150
Planet Music.

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00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:19,590
This podcast is hosted on the Musetarmer Media

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00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:20,230
Network.

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00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:24,910
Find out more by visiting feathermanesoul.com and

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00:20:24,910 --> 00:20:28,030
following the links to the Musetarmer Network.

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00:20:28,570 --> 00:20:31,170
Please don't forget to like, subscribe, or follow

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00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:33,750
wherever you're hearing my voice, or tell a

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00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:34,790
friend who may be interested.

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00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:35,590
Thank you.