1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:02,220 (Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) If you learn from a very young age 2 00:00:02,220 --> 00:00:07,780 that expressing your needs, your wants, your emotions 3 00:00:07,780 --> 00:00:11,240 in any way led to being ignored or 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:15,560 rejected or dismissed or even conflict, such as 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,780 getting yelled at by a parent, then you're 6 00:00:18,780 --> 00:00:22,740 going to learn a habit called self-abandonment. 7 00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:25,780 And what that leads to is people pleasing 8 00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:30,120 and ignoring your gut instincts and being really 9 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,140 perfectionist and criticizing yourself. 10 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:37,380 What this means is that if you are 11 00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:40,740 a member of a community and you don't 12 00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:43,680 feel like you are a member of that 13 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,860 community, then it's going to be very hard 14 00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:49,740 to make space for yourself or to even 15 00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:52,220 try to claim identity or kinship with that 16 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:52,780 community. 17 00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,720 And that's what we're going to discuss here 18 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,580 on our last Pride Month episode of the 19 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,040 Feathermane Soul Wisdom Show. 20 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,580 You're listening to Feathermane Soul Wisdom, a podcast 21 00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:07,480 for those looking to rediscover their wild spirit 22 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,980 in spite of life's challenges. 23 00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:11,720 If you're living with a chronic illness or 24 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,460 neurodivergent or consider yourself disabled and you're looking 25 00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:17,920 to connect with your own inner untamed essence, 26 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,000 then this show is for you. 27 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,400 Your host is Kit Kaelstow, Wild Spirit Storyteller. 28 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,780 Thanks for listening and now on to the 29 00:01:25,780 --> 00:01:26,280 episode. 30 00:01:27,540 --> 00:01:31,800 Hello everybody, I'm your host Kit Kaelstow and 31 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:36,480 this is our last Pride-specific episode as 32 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,900 it is the end of June 2026. 33 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,640 In our first episode, we talked about when 34 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,480 you don't feel like you're a part of 35 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:48,000 a community and when you don't feel like 36 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,120 either you can claim membership in that community 37 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,620 or that community sees you as a part 38 00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:54,120 of it. 39 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:57,680 In our last episode last week, we talked 40 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,300 about things that communities can do to include 41 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,720 neurodivergent and disabled individuals. 42 00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:06,520 And finally in this episode, I want to 43 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,880 follow up on a topic that I brought 44 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,940 up in that last episode which is making 45 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:14,060 space for yourself. 46 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,380 As I was doing some work for this 47 00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:20,920 episode, it really kind of connected with me 48 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:25,140 that if we do not make space for 49 00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:29,160 ourselves in a community and I'm not talking 50 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,060 about like running up to a Pride parade 51 00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:32,640 and saying, hey let me in because I'm 52 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:32,940 queer. 53 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:37,300 What I'm talking about is actually believing that 54 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:41,020 we are a member of a community following 55 00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:44,220 up on our lived experiences and honoring and 56 00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:47,140 trusting those feelings inside of ourselves. 57 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:51,020 A good example of this is one of 58 00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:52,900 the discussions that I've been seeing going around 59 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:56,740 my social media feeds especially here during Pride 60 00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:59,280 is how do you know if you're trans? 61 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,420 And the point has been made that people 62 00:03:02,420 --> 00:03:06,900 who are 100% cis never ever question 63 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:08,120 whether they're cis. 64 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,000 They never ever ever question their gender. 65 00:03:11,340 --> 00:03:15,080 They know who they are and that's who 66 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:15,700 they are. 67 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,400 For people who are trans, even if it's 68 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,400 just a teensy little bit and you wonder, 69 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,040 you know, might I be trans? 70 00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:26,120 And I've heard this said too in the 71 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,200 neurodivergent community. 72 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,920 People who are autistic who are not autistic 73 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,040 do not sit around wondering if they are 74 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,360 autistic for example. 75 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,560 And so if you're actually questioning that then 76 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:43,280 that's a good indication that you may need 77 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:47,300 to trust your instincts, trust your gut and 78 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:48,360 do some exploration. 79 00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:51,900 Now the results of that exploration you may 80 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,380 explore and you may realize no no I'm 81 00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:57,520 comfortable with my gender identity but you may 82 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:01,540 also explore and realize that no some things 83 00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:03,020 in your life need to change. 84 00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:08,020 And so doing that exploration that is a 85 00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:11,280 way to combat self-abandonment. 86 00:04:11,420 --> 00:04:13,440 Let me just start by taking a few 87 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,519 moments to talk a bit about self-abandonment. 88 00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:20,040 Now I just want to preface this as 89 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:20,899 I always do. 90 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,140 I am not a mental health therapist. 91 00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:24,620 I cannot diagnose. 92 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:28,380 I cannot treat any sort of condition. 93 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,100 I can certainly coach and help and stand 94 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,340 you know in solidarity with you. 95 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,020 I can hold space for you. 96 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:39,320 I can be a witness to what you're 97 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,780 going through and that's what I do as 98 00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:42,580 a coach. 99 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,320 And so that's just where I'm coming from 100 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:44,580 here. 101 00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:49,080 And if you do feel like you know 102 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,780 things are just you know there's things coming 103 00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:53,020 up that you need to discuss. 104 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,380 If you're not feeling safe I encourage you 105 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,320 to seek help. 106 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,660 So let's talk about self-abandonment. 107 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:08,600 Self-abandonment pretty much starts in childhood and 108 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,180 it's when you learn that expressing your authentic 109 00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:15,320 needs emotions or boundaries lead to conflict. 110 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,860 You know if you're a child and you 111 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,440 tell your parents you know oh I have 112 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,020 to go bathroom and instead of saying okay 113 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:24,700 let's find a bathroom they say oh not 114 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:27,140 again you just went or oh you should 115 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:29,280 have went when you you know left the 116 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:29,760 house. 117 00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:36,380 That sort of thing if continued and if 118 00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:39,840 it becomes a pattern can lead to self 119 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:43,500 -abandonment because basically you learn that every time 120 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,580 you express your needs every time you express 121 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,620 your emotions like if something hurts and you 122 00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:52,940 cry and you're constantly chastised for crying you're 123 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:55,060 going to learn that those needs and emotions 124 00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:58,740 are ignored or rejected by other people around 125 00:05:58,740 --> 00:05:59,500 yourself. 126 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,860 And so then you learn to reject and 127 00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,780 ignore those needs partly out of a pattern 128 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:07,380 and partly out of self-preservation. 129 00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:12,300 Where self-abandonment comes into play is as 130 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:15,680 we become older as we become adults you 131 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,380 might notice yourself people pleasing. 132 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,200 You might notice yourself suppressing emotions. 133 00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,680 You might notice yourself ignoring your gut instincts. 134 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,580 You might notice yourself not having really solid 135 00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:34,080 boundaries or being a real perfectionist and being 136 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,440 really critical of yourself. 137 00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:41,320 Now there's there's ways to actually work with 138 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,280 this and the first step is obviously be 139 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,080 aware of it. 140 00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:48,020 The other step is self-compassion and self 141 00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:50,620 -reflection and that's where I really want to 142 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:53,680 focus here today is that self-compassion that 143 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,500 radical acceptance of yourself and your needs no 144 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,720 matter what you think about them. 145 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,760 That self-compassion treating yourself the way you 146 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,020 treat a loved one you care about the 147 00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:09,620 way you would treat a beloved companion animal 148 00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:14,120 that that self-compassion really can help go 149 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,740 a long way towards being present for yourself. 150 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:20,000 Because if you've noticed that people in your 151 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,540 life are not present for you then it 152 00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:25,600 is doubly important for you to step up 153 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,240 and be present for yourself. 154 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,200 And there's a whole lot I could get 155 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,320 into that's kind of leans more into mental 156 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,040 health. 157 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,320 I you know I kind of just want 158 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,340 to leave it there for now but I 159 00:07:38,340 --> 00:07:41,240 encourage you again if you're recognizing some patterns 160 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,960 and some behaviors you know maybe talk to 161 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,480 a trusted professional maybe learn a little bit 162 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,560 more about it maybe reach out to somebody. 163 00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:52,920 What does that have to do with creating 164 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:56,000 space for yourself in a community and especially 165 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:56,900 during pride? 166 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,620 Well I'm going to get vulnerable here for 167 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:01,360 a moment and just share that this is 168 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,460 something that I've been struggling with this pride. 169 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,520 I live in a very rural community the 170 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,600 local queer community is not safe for me 171 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:16,580 because of some experiences I had with people 172 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:21,380 who are connected to it and being somebody 173 00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:27,480 who pretty much appears cis. 174 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,640 I mean I pretty much you know I 175 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,020 cut my hair short but that's about it. 176 00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:36,320 You know I I cannot medically transition right 177 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,659 now I can't do a lot of things 178 00:08:38,659 --> 00:08:42,640 right now in regards to change making changes 179 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:46,640 and so pretty much you know I look 180 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:48,440 like the gender I was assigned at birth 181 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:55,560 and because of that I really struggle and 182 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,680 of course this goes back into you know 183 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,440 my own past and that but I really 184 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,700 struggle to feel connected and a part of 185 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,600 a community and so you start to say 186 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,700 things to yourself like oh it doesn't matter 187 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:12,600 you know oh it's okay you know I 188 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,420 I don't need to do that anyway you 189 00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:20,220 start to dismiss some really serious is the 190 00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:21,520 word that comes to mind but I don't 191 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,180 think that's what I'm looking for here some 192 00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:30,040 really strong urges and really strong thoughts on 193 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,600 your part you start to dismiss that you 194 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:35,600 start to abandon yourself how do we not 195 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,000 do that how do we make space for 196 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,920 ourselves when we don't feel wanted by the 197 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,920 community we're trying to make space in well 198 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,340 the first step is simply admitting that you 199 00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:54,760 belong nobody has a monopoly on pride pride 200 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:59,580 is a celebration there are non-queer people 201 00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:03,520 at pride there are you know people from 202 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,200 all walks of life all across the gender 203 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:10,900 sexuality orientation spectrum there everybody belongs at pride 204 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:15,640 and so if you could just keep telling 205 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,320 yourself that not in a you know lying 206 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,080 to yourself sort of or you know trying 207 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,120 to change your thoughts but just just gently 208 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,140 reminding yourself hey you know nobody in spite 209 00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:26,960 of what some groups may or may not 210 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:31,600 think nobody has a monopoly on pride that 211 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,660 means if you feel safe and able to 212 00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:38,080 go to a celebration you know do so 213 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,100 if you want to do something small and 214 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:44,760 quiet at home something that's more personal less 215 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:49,340 public facing do that so once you admit 216 00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:54,020 that you belong in a group you can 217 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:57,680 decide whether you want to claim public kinship 218 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:00,320 with that again you decide how much information 219 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,440 you disclose or don't disclose you decide what 220 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,140 you get to do for yourself that's how 221 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:14,600 we fight self-abandonment the other thing is 222 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:20,560 to understand that there will always be people 223 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:26,020 who try to claim ownership of a space 224 00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:30,040 there will always be people and and and 225 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,820 at this point i'm stepping outside of just 226 00:11:31,820 --> 00:11:34,100 talking about pride and going into you know 227 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:37,100 any group there will always be people who 228 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:41,180 will you know try to tell you that 229 00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:43,960 you're taking up too much room who will 230 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,180 try to tell you that you don't belong 231 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,820 one of the things i've gotten really good 232 00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:54,360 at in my five decades here on this 233 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:59,600 planet is to be comfortable just doing my 234 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,560 own thing now some of that's the autism 235 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:08,600 some of that is again location but i 236 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,700 mean and this podcast honestly is an example 237 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:15,620 of that so um you know if you 238 00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:18,360 just get comfortable you know banging your own 239 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:23,580 drum as the saying goes and just doing 240 00:12:23,580 --> 00:12:27,800 your thing and even though it's difficult to 241 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,980 remember just remembering that what other people think 242 00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:33,740 of that reflects more on them than it 243 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:38,580 ever will on you the other thing i 244 00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:41,440 would encourage you to do to avoid self 245 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:49,040 -abandonment is to really think about where that's 246 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:53,620 coming from and think about how you can 247 00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:56,120 make that right with yourself i mean we 248 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,880 can't go back in time we can't fix 249 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,680 the things that we have happened to us 250 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,980 what we can do is make sure we 251 00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:06,640 give ourselves compassion and love and understand for 252 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,680 example that that younger version of you that 253 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,040 didn't have their needs met that wasn't right 254 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:18,280 and that that you know happened and so 255 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,780 because of that you know you need to 256 00:13:20,780 --> 00:13:23,120 give that younger person you know just the 257 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,900 same compassion you would give anybody that you 258 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:28,680 care about and again i know all of 259 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,500 this is easier said than done and i 260 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,700 am right there with you and working on 261 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:38,070 this every single day so when we make 262 00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:42,730 that space for ourselves it's a matter of 263 00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:50,170 also rethinking our ideas of community now we 264 00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:56,050 may have an idea of community of how 265 00:13:56,050 --> 00:13:58,530 we exist how we want to exist in 266 00:13:58,530 --> 00:14:01,570 a space how we should exist in a 267 00:14:01,570 --> 00:14:10,150 space what actually should happen when we're in 268 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:13,930 a space and a lot of times that's 269 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:17,150 not going to happen a lot of times 270 00:14:17,150 --> 00:14:20,930 you know people everybody being individuals everybody having 271 00:14:20,930 --> 00:14:24,850 free will that how we show up in 272 00:14:24,850 --> 00:14:30,350 a space pretty much means that we're going 273 00:14:30,350 --> 00:14:32,470 to have to deal with other people's actions 274 00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:36,850 as well and the way other people may 275 00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:40,910 affect our showing up in a space i 276 00:14:40,910 --> 00:14:42,590 felt like i was talking in circles there 277 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:46,350 so i i apologize but i i think 278 00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:47,530 what i'm trying to say is let go 279 00:14:47,530 --> 00:14:53,710 of perceived you know connotations let go of 280 00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:58,090 any perceived notions that this is how things 281 00:14:58,090 --> 00:14:59,710 are going to go because we don't know 282 00:14:59,710 --> 00:15:02,110 how the world how how day-to-day 283 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,930 minute-to-minute hour-to-hour things are 284 00:15:03,930 --> 00:15:06,570 going to unfold in front of us i 285 00:15:06,570 --> 00:15:08,710 don't think anybody has a crystal ball that 286 00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:12,210 works 100 percent of the time i mean 287 00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:14,810 even autistic pattern recognition gets it wrong from 288 00:15:14,810 --> 00:15:20,570 time to time so i think the other 289 00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:22,950 thing is in some respects to let go 290 00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,630 of our cynicism and this could be the 291 00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:28,150 hardest thing of all when you have been 292 00:15:28,150 --> 00:15:31,810 excluded from spaces when you have been treated 293 00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:36,650 very badly by individuals who maybe claim to 294 00:15:36,650 --> 00:15:40,670 be a friend or maybe claimed to be 295 00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:43,390 welcoming you know an organization that claims to 296 00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:45,910 welcome everybody but then it's very obvious that 297 00:15:45,910 --> 00:15:47,350 it's obvious that they don't want to make 298 00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:51,090 accommodations for a disability it's obvious that they 299 00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:55,230 don't want to you know welcome people who 300 00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:58,950 maybe process things differently or even welcome people 301 00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:03,090 who are outside their own experiences when that 302 00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:06,810 happens it is very easy to fall into 303 00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:11,710 the trap of cynicism you know my spouse 304 00:16:11,710 --> 00:16:13,410 has a t-shirt we got it at 305 00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:16,350 walmart and it looks like a review box 306 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,730 and it says you know people and then 307 00:16:18,730 --> 00:16:22,510 you see one stars you know so it's 308 00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:26,310 like it's it's very easy to dismiss the 309 00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:28,590 whole human race with the zero stars or 310 00:16:28,590 --> 00:16:31,830 a one star review but the truth is 311 00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:35,310 is that when you put people in monolithic 312 00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:41,610 blocks you diminish them and so in it's 313 00:16:41,610 --> 00:16:44,010 this is something i need to remember um 314 00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:48,090 as well that you know when you put 315 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:52,830 people in monolithic blocks you just diminish them 316 00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:58,030 and so i would encourage you to understand 317 00:16:58,030 --> 00:17:01,070 the harms that people can do but don't 318 00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:05,290 be cynical about everybody acting the same way 319 00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:10,630 now this doesn't dismiss anybody you know who 320 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,950 needs to look at the actions of themselves 321 00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:19,250 their community make things right reparative justice that 322 00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:21,410 certainly needs to come into play and the 323 00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:23,230 more of that that happens frankly the better 324 00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:25,230 we all think about other people in the 325 00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:30,530 world around us but to simply pull yourself 326 00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:33,970 away from a community because you think everybody 327 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:37,150 sucks that may be true on like a 328 00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:39,950 small local level but certainly not on a 329 00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:42,830 global or national level which brings us back 330 00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:45,690 to the general topic of our podcast today 331 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:49,750 which is making space for yourself when you 332 00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,930 don't feel wanted by a community when you 333 00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,390 don't feel like you're a part of a 334 00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:58,890 community and i think it comes back down 335 00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:02,930 to being willing to sit with that loneliness 336 00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:06,250 being willing to sit with those uncomfortable feelings 337 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:10,150 being willing to sit with the grief that 338 00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:14,470 comes up when you're willing to do that 339 00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:21,210 you start to become willing to accept your 340 00:18:21,210 --> 00:18:24,850 own company now does this mean that things 341 00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:27,190 you don't want things to change of course 342 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:31,250 not but what it does do is it 343 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:36,630 gets you comfortable holding space taking up space 344 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:42,430 and making space for yourself without anybody else 345 00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:48,250 around and feeling like you belong and i 346 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:53,750 would encourage you to in this space to 347 00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:57,450 start speaking your truth to start speaking authentically 348 00:18:57,450 --> 00:19:03,310 to start identifying yourself as a member of 349 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:07,190 the community because the flip side of this 350 00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:10,050 is that if somebody on the outside of 351 00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:13,230 a community looks at a community and all 352 00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:17,490 they see is kind of a monolith of 353 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,850 people who look the same act the same 354 00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:23,730 think the same with subtle differences between them 355 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:28,350 then that is not doing a good service 356 00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:31,610 for the community and that probably would be 357 00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:34,170 a whole another topic of another podcast maybe 358 00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:37,470 next year's pride i'll start making notes but 359 00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:40,250 when you start saying hey i'm a member 360 00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:43,910 of this community too you also hold up 361 00:19:43,910 --> 00:19:47,170 a light for other people um i was 362 00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:49,670 having trouble sleeping last night and i saw 363 00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:53,630 the most beautiful post on blue sky from 364 00:19:53,630 --> 00:19:57,470 a gentleman who was basically saying hey please 365 00:19:57,470 --> 00:20:01,830 don't forget the trans men this pride and 366 00:20:01,830 --> 00:20:06,950 really reminding everybody within that community that they 367 00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:10,110 belong at pride that that they deserve the 368 00:20:10,110 --> 00:20:12,270 same care and concern and not to be 369 00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:18,250 erased as other members of the lgbtqia spectrum 370 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:21,170 and that's something i very much agree with 371 00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:25,470 um but you know i read that beautiful 372 00:20:25,470 --> 00:20:27,190 post and i shared it and i thought 373 00:20:27,190 --> 00:20:31,450 got a little bit of traction online and 374 00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:34,030 you know that little post that just saying 375 00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:38,730 hey don't forget about us that really shone 376 00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:42,390 a light that really shined a light and 377 00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:45,810 allowed um you know made me feel better 378 00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:48,190 i'm sure it made other people feel better 379 00:20:48,190 --> 00:20:50,290 and that's why they shared the post there 380 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,950 was you know no negative replies there was 381 00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:56,130 no negative mocking um to the post at 382 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,730 all and so when you show up in 383 00:20:58,730 --> 00:21:01,710 a community and you show up as your 384 00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:04,110 true authentic self even if it's your tiny 385 00:21:04,110 --> 00:21:08,030 corner of a community then that is going 386 00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:10,710 to help other people see that they belong 387 00:21:10,710 --> 00:21:15,170 as well and when we think about it 388 00:21:15,730 --> 00:21:20,690 the communities that we're in you know basically 389 00:21:20,690 --> 00:21:23,490 a community is just each of us showing 390 00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:26,450 up with our own tiny little corner and 391 00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:29,010 when you put all those corners together it 392 00:21:29,010 --> 00:21:32,970 makes something big and wonderful and so i 393 00:21:32,970 --> 00:21:36,070 would encourage you that in the space that 394 00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:39,830 in space that you have basically don't self 395 00:21:39,830 --> 00:21:44,390 -abandon yourself don't dismiss your identities don't dismiss 396 00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:48,330 your wants your needs your desires don't dismiss 397 00:21:48,330 --> 00:21:53,610 those if loneliness if sadness comes up i 398 00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:55,990 i encourage you to actually sit with that 399 00:21:55,990 --> 00:21:58,970 and feel that and express that in whatever 400 00:21:58,970 --> 00:22:03,270 way feels safest and best to you could 401 00:22:03,270 --> 00:22:05,130 be a journal could be some form of 402 00:22:05,130 --> 00:22:09,090 artwork could be talking that over with a 403 00:22:09,090 --> 00:22:11,270 somebody you know a close person that you 404 00:22:11,270 --> 00:22:16,030 trust or a professional but i guess where 405 00:22:16,030 --> 00:22:19,050 i'm going with this is we have to 406 00:22:19,050 --> 00:22:21,590 stand up for ourselves we have to stop 407 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:24,950 abandoning ourselves and when we do that we 408 00:22:24,950 --> 00:22:29,450 automatically step into a space where we can 409 00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:32,350 begin to create our own little corners of 410 00:22:32,350 --> 00:22:35,650 communities thank you so much for listening to 411 00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:39,510 this podcast as always it is a super 412 00:22:39,510 --> 00:22:42,210 big help and i am extremely grateful anytime 413 00:22:42,210 --> 00:22:45,270 you tell a friend about this podcast anytime 414 00:22:45,270 --> 00:22:48,830 you like follow subscribe wherever you hear my 415 00:22:48,830 --> 00:22:51,390 voice and if you would like to learn 416 00:22:51,390 --> 00:22:55,450 more about how wild spirit storytelling and my 417 00:22:55,450 --> 00:23:00,410 grief pathfinding method can help you with these 418 00:23:00,410 --> 00:23:03,650 situations please reach out at feather main soul 419 00:23:03,650 --> 00:23:08,390 .com i offer free connection calls you can 420 00:23:08,390 --> 00:23:10,730 also email if that is you know more 421 00:23:10,730 --> 00:23:13,590 accessible to you as well thank you so 422 00:23:13,590 --> 00:23:16,370 much i hope you had a wonderful pride 423 00:23:16,370 --> 00:23:19,010 and i will speak with you next week 424 00:23:22,730 --> 00:23:25,410 you've been listening to the feathermane soul wisdom 425 00:23:25,410 --> 00:23:29,010 podcast hosted by kit kaelstow learn more about 426 00:23:29,010 --> 00:23:32,770 feathermane soul at feathermanesoul.com as a wild 427 00:23:32,770 --> 00:23:36,130 spirit storyteller kit is passionate about helping those 428 00:23:36,130 --> 00:23:39,910 who are neurodivergent disabled or living with chronic 429 00:23:39,910 --> 00:23:43,870 illness rediscover their own inner wild spirit visit 430 00:23:43,870 --> 00:23:47,610 feathermanesoul.com to receive free gifts or book 431 00:23:47,610 --> 00:23:49,410 a free call with kit to discuss how 432 00:23:49,410 --> 00:23:52,910 wild spirit storytelling can help you music is 433 00:23:52,910 --> 00:23:55,090 running with the horses by purple planet music 434 00:23:55,090 --> 00:23:58,190 this podcast is hosted on the muse charmer 435 00:23:58,190 --> 00:24:02,270 media network find out more by visiting feathermanesoul 436 00:24:02,270 --> 00:24:06,270 .com and following the links to the muse 437 00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:09,470 charmer network please don't forget to like subscribe 438 00:24:09,470 --> 00:24:12,230 or follow wherever you're hearing my voice or 439 00:24:12,230 --> 00:24:14,310 tell a friend who may be interested thank 440 00:24:14,310 --> 00:24:14,570 you