1 00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:03,290 (Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Of all the tools in my toolbox, whether 2 00:00:03,290 --> 00:00:07,870 that's coaching skills, or somatic work like yoga, 3 00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:12,210 meditation, or breath work, out of all of 4 00:00:12,210 --> 00:00:15,450 those skills, if there's one skill that I 5 00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:18,030 would love for you to take and start 6 00:00:18,030 --> 00:00:21,210 using in your life today, that skill is 7 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:22,590 radical acceptance. 8 00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:28,170 Radical acceptance is something that is good, not 9 00:00:28,170 --> 00:00:32,350 just in general for us, but also for 10 00:00:32,350 --> 00:00:36,030 dealing with grief, dealing with trauma. 11 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,610 And it's a really powerful tool, one that 12 00:00:39,610 --> 00:00:41,650 I got introduced to a couple of years 13 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:42,090 ago. 14 00:00:42,590 --> 00:00:45,730 And although I hate the phrase, it really 15 00:00:45,730 --> 00:00:47,690 did change everything for me. 16 00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:50,470 So let's dive into radical acceptance. 17 00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:55,410 You're listening to Feathermane Soul Wisdom, a podcast 18 00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:58,310 for those looking to rediscover their wild spirit 19 00:00:58,310 --> 00:00:59,850 in spite of life's challenges. 20 00:01:00,130 --> 00:01:02,550 If you're living with a chronic illness, or 21 00:01:02,550 --> 00:01:06,310 neurodivergent, or consider yourself disabled, and you're looking 22 00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:08,810 to connect with your own inner untamed essence, 23 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,810 then this show is for you. 24 00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:14,210 Your host is Kit Kaelstow, Wild Spirit Storyteller. 25 00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:15,410 Thanks for listening. 26 00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:17,110 And now on to the episode. 27 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,220 Hello, and welcome to this episode of the 28 00:01:22,220 --> 00:01:25,340 Feathermane Soul Wisdom show on the Muse Charmer 29 00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:26,260 Radio Network. 30 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:29,960 I'm your host, Kit Kaelstow, Wild Spirit Storyteller. 31 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,840 And today we are going to dive into 32 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,500 radical acceptance. 33 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,380 I want to start by talking about what 34 00:01:39,380 --> 00:01:43,020 radical acceptance is, and also what it is 35 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:43,560 not. 36 00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:47,860 Because I think when somebody who maybe has 37 00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:52,380 experienced some toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing, hears 38 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,900 the phrase radical acceptance, they immediately get prickly 39 00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:58,540 around that because they think that radical acceptance 40 00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:00,800 means accepting everything. 41 00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:02,340 And it does not. 42 00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:07,600 Radical acceptance is a psychological skill that means 43 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,860 completely and totally accepting reality as it is 44 00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:14,300 right now, without fighting, resisting or judging. 45 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,700 That doesn't mean liking it. 46 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,340 That doesn't mean rolling over and not doing 47 00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:23,460 anything about it. 48 00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:27,740 What that means is going, hey, it is 49 00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:28,660 what it is. 50 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,800 Here's what it is. 51 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:36,700 And then you can determine what steps you 52 00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:38,520 do or don't want to take. 53 00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:43,290 To break it down a little bit, when 54 00:02:43,290 --> 00:02:46,950 we call radical acceptance radical, it means that 55 00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:49,350 you're accepting the facts with your whole mind, 56 00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:51,390 body and spirit, and you're not judging. 57 00:02:51,890 --> 00:02:53,850 You're not fighting the truth. 58 00:02:53,910 --> 00:02:57,370 If you're dealing with financial situations, if your 59 00:02:57,370 --> 00:03:00,130 job sucks, you're not fighting that. 60 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:03,610 You're accepting that, hey, my job sucks. 61 00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:07,930 That acceptance is a full sentence. 62 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,920 I want to find a new job is 63 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,140 not going to negate the fact that your 64 00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:17,600 job sucks, but it is a step you 65 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,520 can take to improve your situation. 66 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,120 And also it's radical because it drops the 67 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,040 word should. 68 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,320 Too often, especially those of us who are 69 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:32,380 neurodivergent or dealt with trauma, think that we 70 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,500 should deal with stuff better. 71 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,320 We don't have it as bad as somebody 72 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:37,600 else. 73 00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:38,740 We should be okay. 74 00:03:38,860 --> 00:03:40,260 We should be able to cope. 75 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:45,740 Radical acceptance means dropping the should or asking 76 00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:48,760 why me and simply says, hey, this is 77 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,260 what I'm going through right now and accepting 78 00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:51,640 it. 79 00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:53,980 And if you're somebody who has spent a 80 00:03:53,980 --> 00:03:55,860 large part of your life kind of shoving 81 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:58,440 down what you're going through, kind of putting 82 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,600 on a smile and keep calm and carry 83 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,360 on that sort of mentality, then it can 84 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:08,240 seem really radical to stop doing that and 85 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:12,640 simply accepting radically where your life is. 86 00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:15,279 And again, I want to stress, it's not 87 00:04:15,279 --> 00:04:15,800 approval. 88 00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:18,320 You don't have to like, agree with or 89 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,480 condone what happened. 90 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:24,800 You don't have to give up. 91 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,040 You don't have to say, you know, ah, 92 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:27,880 my job sucks. 93 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,140 There's nothing I can do about it. 94 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,300 And it's not a weakness to actually face 95 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:36,320 the truth of what is going on in 96 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:37,140 our lives. 97 00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:40,780 I think too often we aren't willing to 98 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,880 face the truth. 99 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,880 And usually that is because of other people's 100 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:45,620 expectations. 101 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,880 They tell us that, you know, other people 102 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,800 have it worse. 103 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,940 It's the old if you're if you're a 104 00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:54,520 Gen Xer, you probably were told to clean 105 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,780 your plate because there were starving children in 106 00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:58,200 Africa. 107 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,660 The fact that you did or did not 108 00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:05,280 clean your plate has absolutely nothing to do 109 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,740 with anybody else's hunger situation. 110 00:05:08,820 --> 00:05:11,240 And trying to get you to be grateful 111 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,020 for something when maybe you didn't like the 112 00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:16,400 food, maybe you had sensory issues around the 113 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:16,720 food. 114 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,640 You know, that that's not radical acceptance. 115 00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:25,220 Radical acceptance is, you know what, I really 116 00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:27,300 don't like what's for dinner and I don't 117 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:29,980 feel like eating it and cleaning my plate. 118 00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:34,030 It does reduce suffering. 119 00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:38,310 Pain is a natural part of life. 120 00:05:39,110 --> 00:05:42,590 Buddhism tells us that attachment leads to suffering. 121 00:05:43,490 --> 00:05:47,650 Fighting that reality makes the pain worse. 122 00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:52,550 Clinging to those attachments makes the pain worse. 123 00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:54,910 It actually saves energy. 124 00:05:55,470 --> 00:05:58,150 When you stop fighting what's staring you in 125 00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:01,590 the face, you free up mental energy, which 126 00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:03,830 is at a for all of us right 127 00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:04,210 now. 128 00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:08,840 And it helps you move forward. 129 00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:13,820 You can't change or fix a situation until 130 00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:17,360 you truly understand the truth of how it 131 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,700 exists right now. 132 00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:25,030 You can maybe make some moves in that 133 00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:25,650 direction. 134 00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:29,170 But until you really look at what's weighing 135 00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:31,970 on you or what you're dealing with, it's 136 00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:33,590 going to be hard to make the kind 137 00:06:33,590 --> 00:06:37,870 of profound impactful changes that will really change 138 00:06:37,870 --> 00:06:38,550 everything. 139 00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:44,330 Radical acceptance was first developed during a type 140 00:06:44,330 --> 00:06:47,150 of therapy called dialectical behavioral therapy. 141 00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:50,230 And the gist of that is that it 142 00:06:50,230 --> 00:06:54,850 helps you hold two things in your mind 143 00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:57,770 that are complete opposites at the same time. 144 00:06:58,030 --> 00:07:00,790 And I think the important part of radical 145 00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:06,370 acceptance is understanding that the reality of your 146 00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:10,510 of your situation does not have anything to 147 00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,010 do with you personally. 148 00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:16,870 So a good example might be my job 149 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:17,570 sucks. 150 00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,870 I am still a good person. 151 00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:22,970 I still have worth. 152 00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:25,590 I deserve a job that doesn't suck. 153 00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:28,170 That's the dialectical part. 154 00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:31,470 It is accepting the reality of the situation 155 00:07:31,470 --> 00:07:37,690 and also radically accepting yourself and caring for 156 00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:41,270 yourself and loving yourself in spite of whatever 157 00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:43,770 you are dealing with. 158 00:07:44,890 --> 00:07:47,290 What does that mean for us and by 159 00:07:47,290 --> 00:07:50,270 us, I want to speak to my neurodivergent 160 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,950 community, my chronically ill and disabled community, my 161 00:07:53,950 --> 00:07:54,830 queer communities. 162 00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:58,770 What does radical acceptance mean for us? 163 00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:05,390 It really means that we need to dive 164 00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:06,810 into our stories. 165 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:10,550 Anytime we hear the word should come up 166 00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:13,950 in our thoughts, that should be a flashing 167 00:08:13,950 --> 00:08:17,050 neon light that tells us that there's a 168 00:08:17,050 --> 00:08:20,690 story that we need to deconstruct. 169 00:08:20,770 --> 00:08:22,630 We need to understand a little bit more 170 00:08:22,630 --> 00:08:23,250 about it. 171 00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:27,810 What it also means is that radical acceptance 172 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:31,409 often means dropping what we were told about 173 00:08:31,409 --> 00:08:33,610 ourselves from other people. 174 00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:36,830 And a good example is the common phrase 175 00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:38,490 I did a podcast on this not too 176 00:08:38,490 --> 00:08:40,130 long ago of being too much. 177 00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:41,929 You're too much. 178 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:43,270 You're too emotional. 179 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:44,690 You're too sensitive. 180 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,690 You're too whatever. 181 00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:50,730 That is something that is told to my 182 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:51,810 neurodivergent community. 183 00:08:51,970 --> 00:08:52,970 I've heard it myself. 184 00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:58,550 And what you do with that is with 185 00:08:58,550 --> 00:09:03,390 the radical acceptance, you say the truth is 186 00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:06,550 this person thinks I'm too much. 187 00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:12,650 However, I still have worth as a person. 188 00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:15,110 I unconditionally love myself. 189 00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:19,170 And when you give yourself that radical acceptance, 190 00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:21,430 and you see the truth in that way, 191 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,190 you can then look at it and say, 192 00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,090 this person says I am too much. 193 00:09:28,410 --> 00:09:31,030 That is that person's belief. 194 00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:37,150 That person apparently can't handle doesn't want to 195 00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:39,010 deal with we may not even know the 196 00:09:39,010 --> 00:09:39,890 answer to that. 197 00:09:40,570 --> 00:09:44,450 But the onus on fixing our behavior would 198 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:45,910 be on that person. 199 00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:48,930 As long as we are doing our best. 200 00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:52,190 And we're trying to communicate our needs. 201 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:53,490 We're trying to be kind. 202 00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:57,850 We're trying to deal with overwhelming situations the 203 00:09:57,850 --> 00:09:58,810 best we can. 204 00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:03,430 Then if somebody says something like that, radical 205 00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:07,010 acceptance means that we do not use that. 206 00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:11,110 As yet another pain point for us. 207 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:14,710 But we understand that we unconditionally love and 208 00:10:14,710 --> 00:10:15,730 accept ourselves. 209 00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:19,230 And in fact, there's an author I'll link 210 00:10:19,230 --> 00:10:21,790 to her in the show notes, who wrote 211 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:22,810 a book on this. 212 00:10:24,610 --> 00:10:28,930 Tara Barak, who wrote a book on radical 213 00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:33,550 acceptance, as well as other books related to 214 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,550 that subject. 215 00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:38,790 And I highly recommend that that work I 216 00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:40,510 highly recommend that person's work. 217 00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:44,010 It's really helped me change how I look 218 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:44,810 at things. 219 00:10:46,450 --> 00:10:50,030 When we look at radical acceptance for grief, 220 00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:54,870 the truth is it could be very difficult 221 00:10:54,870 --> 00:10:56,030 to do this. 222 00:10:56,830 --> 00:11:02,050 Because on one hand, acknowledging the unchangeable reality 223 00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:04,190 that if your grief is due to a 224 00:11:04,190 --> 00:11:07,670 loss that the person that the pet, that 225 00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:10,790 the situation or the job is gone and 226 00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:15,130 not coming back, can help you find realization 227 00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:17,950 can help you see that truth and move 228 00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:21,550 forward on how to reshape your life with 229 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,690 that loss or as part of that loss. 230 00:11:24,470 --> 00:11:27,430 Other people may find that accepting that permanence 231 00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:28,990 is too raw in the moment. 232 00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,510 And if that happens to you, that is 233 00:11:31,510 --> 00:11:32,230 okay. 234 00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:38,830 Grief is very much a nonlinear road. 235 00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:41,630 It is very much a being in the 236 00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:44,330 moment riding the waves of grief as they 237 00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:44,770 come. 238 00:11:46,530 --> 00:11:51,230 What it will do, though, is radical acceptance 239 00:11:51,230 --> 00:11:55,390 could mean letting go of control and allowing 240 00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:57,910 the heavy emotions of grief to move through 241 00:11:57,910 --> 00:11:58,710 your mind. 242 00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:01,530 And so that means when one of those 243 00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:04,810 grief waves hit you, instead of being like, 244 00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,250 Oh, God, I can't cry right now. 245 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,650 I can't you know, I got too much 246 00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:08,050 to do. 247 00:12:08,090 --> 00:12:09,090 I can't get emotional. 248 00:12:10,070 --> 00:12:13,310 Saying, Hey, my grief is hitting me hard 249 00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:14,010 right now. 250 00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:16,410 That is okay. 251 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:19,150 I unconditionally love and accept myself, which is 252 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:22,030 the phrase that Tara Barack suggests in her 253 00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:22,450 work. 254 00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:28,630 And then letting that emotion, if you can 255 00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:31,230 giving space for that emotion for that grief 256 00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:33,250 wave to roll through you. 257 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:35,690 And what a lot of people with grief 258 00:12:35,690 --> 00:12:38,670 find is when you give grief that space, 259 00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:44,410 that it actually rolls through relatively quickly. 260 00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:48,070 In other words, that when you actually allow 261 00:12:48,070 --> 00:12:52,150 yourself that time to grieve, you release rather 262 00:12:52,150 --> 00:12:54,030 than if you try to hang on to 263 00:12:54,030 --> 00:12:55,370 it and shove it down. 264 00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:58,490 A lot of times that initial letting go 265 00:12:58,490 --> 00:13:00,850 really allows things to flow. 266 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,120 Fighting the reality of grief. 267 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,280 And I just you know, last week show 268 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,600 talked about the different types of grief. 269 00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:12,780 And this would be like the grief of 270 00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:14,040 not doing enough. 271 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:17,480 The grief of the life of what if 272 00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:22,460 even with those types of grief, practicing radical 273 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:27,100 acceptance tends to stop your secondary suffering. 274 00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:33,520 Because fighting reality adds anger, it adds shock, 275 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,360 it really prolongs your despair because you're not 276 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,320 accepting the loss that happened. 277 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:45,000 And it really kind of allows that grief 278 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,620 to just linger in a very painful way. 279 00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:51,660 Now I want to be clear, when it 280 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:57,160 comes to grief, practicing radical acceptance does not 281 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:01,360 mean making that grief go completely away. 282 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,840 It does not mean that ta-da, you're 283 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,080 healed and everything's going to be just all 284 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:07,480 fine. 285 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,540 What that means is that you are willing 286 00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:14,960 to companion your grief, that you are willing 287 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,940 to make space for your grief in your 288 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:20,460 life and learn how to move forward with 289 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:20,700 it. 290 00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:24,540 With all of that being said, I want 291 00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:28,640 to pivot to talking about radical acceptance and 292 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:34,640 the wild and how having radical acceptance can 293 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:39,340 help us really connect with our wild spirit 294 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,820 and with the world around us. 295 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:47,120 This can be difficult to think about or 296 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,120 to put in terms that we can understand 297 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,620 without actually centering the human experience. 298 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,280 We don't understand a lot about how our 299 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:03,620 animals move through the world, how they think 300 00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:04,500 about the world. 301 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,760 We are even now uncovering some pretty amazing 302 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:13,660 things about animal senses, including senses that we 303 00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:16,880 don't really utilize except in very specific cases, 304 00:15:17,420 --> 00:15:24,020 like echolocation, like checking and feeling electrical impulses, 305 00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:28,540 or even various ways of adapting the sense 306 00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:31,640 of touch or the speed of processing of 307 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:32,280 those senses. 308 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,320 There's a lot that happens in the animal 309 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:40,340 world that we just really struggle to comprehend 310 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,960 because it's not within our own experience. 311 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,480 When we think about that and we think 312 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:50,860 about radical acceptance, the question that readily comes 313 00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:54,240 to my mind, at least, is how do 314 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,320 we know that animals practice radical acceptance? 315 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:03,920 If we think about, for example, a feral 316 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,000 cat, since I work with a lot of 317 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,580 cat non-profits and we have our own 318 00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:15,860 sanctuary here, when you have a cat that 319 00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:18,680 is used to being outdoors and you trap 320 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:22,800 the cat, or if you trap a raccoon 321 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,620 or another animal to relocate it, that animal 322 00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:28,720 quite often will fight the trap. 323 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,080 They'll realize that they are in danger. 324 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:36,180 They realize that they are confined and they 325 00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:37,160 will try to get out. 326 00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,820 Once the animal is put into a new 327 00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:44,460 environment, for example, you bring the cat inside, 328 00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:47,280 put it in a crate, get it fixed, 329 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:51,700 get it socialized, even then, depending on the 330 00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:57,440 animal's individual personality, that animal may take months 331 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:01,020 or years or never warm up to humans, 332 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,480 depending on a variety of different factors. 333 00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:08,520 You could look at that and you could 334 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,520 say that that animal is not practicing radical 335 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,819 acceptance because it's not interacting with you. 336 00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:18,099 It's fighting to get out of the cage. 337 00:17:19,030 --> 00:17:21,359 But one of the things that I have 338 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:27,540 noticed is that at some point, the animal 339 00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:39,550 will not necessarily accept its fate, but 340 00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:43,450 will at least settle to it. 341 00:17:43,970 --> 00:17:46,070 Now, at this point, you have to be 342 00:17:46,070 --> 00:17:46,930 very careful. 343 00:17:47,690 --> 00:17:49,230 An animal may shut down. 344 00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:51,310 An animal may become closed off. 345 00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:53,310 You need to keep those lines of communication 346 00:17:53,310 --> 00:17:54,010 open. 347 00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:57,290 In the case of one very special, but 348 00:17:57,290 --> 00:18:00,310 very difficult cat that we brought in during 349 00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:03,630 a very extreme cold snap, it took him 350 00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:07,770 eight months to basically become a little love 351 00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:08,110 bug. 352 00:18:10,470 --> 00:18:14,050 And now, you know, he still, he still 353 00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:15,110 is very timid. 354 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:18,090 For example, he wants attention from me, but 355 00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:19,950 not from my spouse, whom he hasn't seen 356 00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:22,510 as much because he's in my office where 357 00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:24,110 I spend a large part of my day. 358 00:18:25,090 --> 00:18:27,870 He, you know, is still not going to 359 00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:30,070 be the same as a lap cat that 360 00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:33,030 was adopted as a kitten and brought into 361 00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:35,570 the house and given everything, you know, love, 362 00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:36,390 food, attention. 363 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:43,930 But there is definite willingness to deal with 364 00:18:43,930 --> 00:18:47,190 this situation, to gain what he can out 365 00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:50,430 of the situation, and to find enrichment and 366 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,970 comfort in that situation. 367 00:18:55,700 --> 00:19:00,180 I say this not to imply that every 368 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:05,260 animal accepts every situation, but that animals learn 369 00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:06,380 to adapt. 370 00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:09,600 They focus on where they are here and 371 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:09,920 now. 372 00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:11,980 They may not like it. 373 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:16,160 They may not appreciate it. 374 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:20,060 And obviously, I can't stress enough that it 375 00:19:20,060 --> 00:19:26,820 is our role as caretakers, as advocates, to 376 00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:29,940 ensure that these animals' lives are as positive 377 00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:32,160 and as enriched as possible. 378 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,420 We can't just accept the fact that a 379 00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:39,140 cat will eventually not fight a cage or 380 00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:41,660 a crate while it's going through a vetting 381 00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:45,840 or taming process as the fact that the 382 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,540 cat is okay there for the rest of 383 00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:49,320 their lives, because that's not the case at 384 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:49,600 all. 385 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,820 This is a temporary situation designed for the 386 00:19:53,820 --> 00:19:55,900 health and safety of the cat and 387 00:19:55,900 --> 00:20:05,840 the 388 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,480 environment, such as an adopted house, a foster 389 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,640 situation, etc. 390 00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:18,380 That type of radical acceptance allows us to 391 00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:21,000 really look at where we are in the 392 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:21,660 here and now. 393 00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:26,260 I would also add to that, now we 394 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:30,620 don't know the actual thought processes that an 395 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:35,260 animal goes through, but my guess is that 396 00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:37,240 when you look at the Buddhist principle that 397 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:41,340 attachment leads to suffering and desire leads to 398 00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:47,140 suffering, that animals, while they work to fulfill 399 00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:52,320 their basic biological needs and their social emotional 400 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:57,340 needs, I don't think they dwell on situations 401 00:20:57,340 --> 00:21:00,680 the way we humans do when those needs 402 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:01,260 are not met. 403 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:05,620 For example, during a drought, during a harsh 404 00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:09,920 weather condition, maybe it's a thunderstorm, maybe it's 405 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,700 a hurricane or a storm where they kind 406 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:15,060 of have to hunker down and not go 407 00:21:15,060 --> 00:21:15,480 out. 408 00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:19,940 When you think about that, my guess is 409 00:21:19,940 --> 00:21:23,720 the bird, for example, the bird that is, 410 00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:28,460 you know, that is hunkered down riding out 411 00:21:28,460 --> 00:21:31,760 a hurricane isn't sitting on its nest going, 412 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,320 oh my god, I wish this was over. 413 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:34,400 I got stuff to do. 414 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,980 I got food to eat. 415 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,120 I've got to, you know, look for more 416 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:39,280 twigs for my nest. 417 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:44,800 Those thoughts feel very human and very much 418 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,000 disconnected from the wild. 419 00:21:50,580 --> 00:21:56,180 And so to me, having radical acceptance connect 420 00:21:56,180 --> 00:22:01,320 us to the wild really focuses on living 421 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:07,720 in the now, nurturing our social, emotional, physical, 422 00:22:08,420 --> 00:22:13,120 spiritual needs when and where possible, and obviously 423 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:18,960 working to change those situations that are within 424 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,660 our power to change. 425 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:28,480 But I really don't think that rumination or 426 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:33,060 dwelling on things is a facet of the 427 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,860 wild or what nature does. 428 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:36,700 Nature simply is. 429 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,400 Sometimes it's good. 430 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:39,800 Sometimes it's bad. 431 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,200 And our job as beings is to get 432 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,400 through that and help others the best as 433 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:45,900 possible. 434 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:52,480 Radical acceptance for me has started to help 435 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:56,280 me be more in tune with rhythms and 436 00:22:56,280 --> 00:23:01,100 cycles of life, of nature, of the seasons, 437 00:23:01,340 --> 00:23:04,620 of my own body, of the way my 438 00:23:04,620 --> 00:23:05,720 mind works. 439 00:23:05,860 --> 00:23:09,880 It's helped me to be less anxious. 440 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,320 It has helped me to really be more 441 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,860 focused in the moment. 442 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,940 And I feel like those two things, less 443 00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:22,420 anxious and more focused in the moment, they 444 00:23:22,420 --> 00:23:26,000 very much could be seen as prescriptions. 445 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,020 And we all know how I don't like 446 00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:30,060 to prescribe things. 447 00:23:31,420 --> 00:23:34,420 But I feel like that that's the benefit 448 00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:38,260 of connecting with the wild and connecting with 449 00:23:38,260 --> 00:23:39,460 radical acceptance. 450 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,400 If you would like to learn how to 451 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,900 incorporate more connections with the wild and with 452 00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:48,160 radical acceptance in your life, I encourage you 453 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,660 to reach out at feathermanesoul.com book a 454 00:23:51,660 --> 00:23:54,000 free call, let's chat, see how I can 455 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:54,620 help you. 456 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,380 And I also encourage you, especially if you 457 00:23:58,380 --> 00:24:01,160 like what you're hearing on this podcast, to 458 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:05,100 like, subscribe, follow, share it with your friends, 459 00:24:05,260 --> 00:24:06,500 all of that good stuff. 460 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,360 And if you can, wherever you're hearing this 461 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:13,460 podcast, drop a five star review, drop, you 462 00:24:13,460 --> 00:24:15,980 know, just a few words, letting others know 463 00:24:15,980 --> 00:24:18,140 that you find this podcast to be valuable 464 00:24:18,140 --> 00:24:20,960 to you, because that's really going to help 465 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,900 others find this important information as well. 466 00:24:24,340 --> 00:24:25,820 Thank you so much. 467 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,540 And the wild in me sees the wild 468 00:24:28,540 --> 00:24:29,060 in you. 469 00:24:32,450 --> 00:24:36,110 You've been listening to the feathermanesoul wisdom podcast 470 00:24:36,110 --> 00:24:37,690 hosted by Kit Kaelstow. 471 00:24:37,930 --> 00:24:41,770 Learn more about feathermanesoul at feathermanesoul.com. 472 00:24:42,010 --> 00:24:44,930 As a wild spirit storyteller, Kit is passionate 473 00:24:44,930 --> 00:24:49,150 about helping those who are neurodivergent, disabled, or 474 00:24:49,150 --> 00:24:52,050 living with chronic illness rediscover their own inner 475 00:24:52,050 --> 00:24:52,810 wild spirit. 476 00:24:53,490 --> 00:24:57,350 Visit feathermanesoul.com to receive free gifts or 477 00:24:57,350 --> 00:24:59,210 book a free call with Kit to discuss 478 00:24:59,210 --> 00:25:01,530 how wild spirit storytelling can help you. 479 00:25:02,230 --> 00:25:04,330 Music is Running with the Horses by Purple 480 00:25:04,330 --> 00:25:05,070 Planet Music. 481 00:25:05,570 --> 00:25:08,550 This podcast is hosted on the MuseTarmer Media 482 00:25:08,550 --> 00:25:09,110 Network. 483 00:25:09,790 --> 00:25:13,750 Find out more by visiting feathermanesoul.com slash 484 00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:16,610 so and following the links to the MuseTarmer 485 00:25:16,610 --> 00:25:17,150 Network. 486 00:25:17,510 --> 00:25:20,090 Please don't forget to like, subscribe, or follow 487 00:25:20,090 --> 00:25:22,690 wherever you're hearing my voice, or tell a 488 00:25:22,690 --> 00:25:23,730 friend who may be interested. 489 00:25:24,010 --> 00:25:24,530 Thank you.